Home > Off the Beaten Beer Path > The Worst Pick-up Line Ever

The Worst Pick-up Line Ever

During a recent visit to Madison, Wisconsin, my husband, my dad and I bellied up at the Great Dane brewpub for dinner. Over a few beverages, we began chatting it up with our lady barkeeper – a very nice young woman, and very attractive with long dark hair, olive skin and big brown eyes.

Now one trait I did not inherit from my father is his interest in trivial, geographical, historical, statistical details.  Maybe its a guy thing, I don’t know, but he always comes up with questions like “which states produce cranberries”, “how many lakes do you think are in New Hampshire?”, or “how long is the Snake River?”

Anyway, at some point during dinner, after we’d all had a few beers, our pretty barkeeper came over and asked how everything was.  We gave the usual responses, “great”, “fine”, “couldn’t be better”.  Just as she was about to turn away, my dad piped up and said, in the most serious tone, “I’d like to ask you a question”.   She turned and looked at him smiling and broad-eyed, eager to respond to his question.  Of course, I had to sit up and listen too, since the tone indicated that this wasn’t gonna be just any ordinary question.  Then out it came….”can you tell me, what is the population of Madison?”

Apparently, he’d had enough beers to determine that, being a resident of Madison, this young lady most certainly would know the city’s population.  She, on the other hand, looked dumbfounded and blind-sided .  I doubt she’d ever been asked that question before…ever.  I, on the other hand, being the respectful daughter that I am, busted out laughing, smiled at the poor woman and assured her that I didn’t even know the population of the Maryland town I’ve been living in for the  past 16 years.  Then I proceeded to give it a google on my phone, and informed them both that the population of Madison is roughly 233,000 people.

After she so kindly excused herself and moved far, far away to other end of the bar, my dad leaned over to me and said ever so quietly and in a joking manner, “If that had been a man, he would’ve known the answer.”   I quickly fired back, “Oh no, no, no….if that had been a man he would’ve GIVEN you an answer, but I doubt he would’ve KNOWN the answer.”

After dinner, the three of us left the bar and as we walked down the street, my husband started ribbing my dad.  He laughed out loud and said “that had to be the worst pick-up line ever!”

So there you have it.  If you want to send a lady quickly running to the other end of the bar, just ask her the population of her resident town.  Who knows, she might even give you the right answer!

Cheers beers!

  1. June 4, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    Ha, ha! Isn’t it great, no matter how old we get our parents can still embarrass us.

    • June 5, 2011 at 7:38 am

      Gotta love’em! I wish I’d started writing the stories down a long time ago.

  2. June 5, 2011 at 9:02 am

    Yo SImple P!

    That’s too funny! Your dad sounds like quite the character.

    Interestingly enough, your post couldn’t have come at a better time, for it was this time last year, during a mid-week Philly Beer Week mini-pub crawl that I (a) came up with one of the worst pick-up lines ever (though never field tested), and (b) proved what I’ve been saying about myself for many years, i.e. that I have no game whatsoever.

    While seated at the bar, we started talking about a highly attractive coat check girl that was working at a steakhouse in Philly (Butcher & Singer). Being the pathetic married men that we are (this was at 11AM while waiting for a keg of Rogue Dead Guy Ale to be tapped), we start discussing how one would go about trying to pick her up. So I come up with, “My, that’s a fine vicuna!”. Given Limpd and The Alemonger’s reaction, I suspect that this line wouldn’t go over to well in a real life situation. I will say this though… we all had a very good laugh. At my expense of course. 🙂


    • June 5, 2011 at 3:32 pm

      Great story G-LO! Of course, the friends are always guilty by association, so it’s a good thing that friends don’t let friends use bad pick-up lines 🙂

      • June 5, 2011 at 8:42 pm

        I suspect that they would not only let me use such a ridiculous line, they would enjoy the aftermath, and never ever let me live it down.

    • The Wookie
      June 5, 2011 at 6:54 pm

      I thought the the challenge this year was to actually pick-up a girl with the “vicuna” line during Philly Beer Week??

      • June 5, 2011 at 8:39 pm

        All I can say is “good luck with that”. I’ll sit back and watch while I sample some interesting beers.

      • June 6, 2011 at 7:13 am

        So what’s the escape plan if it actually works?

        • The Wookie
          June 6, 2011 at 8:41 am

          It would never work. G-lo has no game at all!

          • June 6, 2011 at 9:44 am

            The Wookie is right. I have no game.

  1. April 26, 2012 at 11:11 pm

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